Hats off to Jimmie Poon

Posted: November 8, 2010 in Army tales, true story
Tags: ,

This morning while doing a little Facebook stalking, I found out that one of my former Soldiers is getting married. The first thing I thought was, “Holy shit, Jimmie Poon found himself a bride.”

I first met Private Jimmie Poon while I was the XO of a Tank Company at Ft. Hood. Although it sounds glamorous, being an XO is pretty much the shittiest job in the Army. Technically you are second in charge. But in reality you are responsible for everything and in charge of nothing and everyone knows it.  Our company clerk, the guy in charge of most of the day-to-day paperwork, was a little weasel of a guy who was , for all intents and purposes, useless. He couldn’t type, couldn’t remember anyone’s name, couldn’t get reports in on time and he did nothing but talk about his love of Asian Porn.  Anyhow, when Private Poon showed up it fell on my shoulders to make sure the appropriate paperwork got filled out.  I went out to the morning formation before physical training and walked up to the  First Sergeant.

“Top, I need to see Poon.” 

First Sgt. Hill was a large black man originally from the Virgin Islands. He had a wicked sense of humor and we got along great.

When he heard me he smiled,” XO, Officers ain’t supposed to talk like that.”

“No, Top. Not that kind of Poon.  I need to see Private Poon.”  I waived the inproccessing papers at him.

He smiled and started to say something then stopped, nodded and hollered to the company, ” Poon! You fish-eating mother fucker! Front and center, XO needs to see you.”

From somewhere in the back this kid all of 18yrs old comes running. He looked exactly like I thought he would; not very tall, kind of pudgy with a big moonpie face. The kicker was that he was sporting  pair of Army issued glasses, the ugliest things anyone could wear. We called them BCGs or Birth Control Glasses, because if you were wearing them you had no chance of getting anyone pregnant.

I noticed right away that Poon wasn’t wearing socks, but I kept silent because I knew what was coming.  First Sgt Hill took a long look at Poon and said, “Poon,  I don’t know what malaria infested, rice eating, shithole of a country you come from, but in the United States Army we wear socks to PT.”

Poon, very matter of factly replied, “I’m from Connecticut, First Sgt.”

“Where the fuck are your socks, Poon from Connecticut?”

” I lost them.”

Though I really wanted to, I didn’t have time to listen to Top tell Poon all the ways he was going to make sure that Poon would never forget to wear socks to formation again, so I cut in and took Poon back inside to have him fill out the paperwork. Turns out, he was a decent kid. He was smart, worked hard and did what he was told. 

He also had some of the most imaginative nicknames I have ever heard Soldiers give one of their own. Of course there was the obvious and less creative, Poontang and Poonmaster. But others were better such as ; Dr. Poongood, Poondragon, Poontastic, Poonman, Poonalicious, Dirty Poon, All up in yo Poon, Poonsniffer, Poonslayer and The Poonhunter.

Some were used in conjunction with others. One guy would call him Poondoggy and immediately another would yell out Poonstyle! 

Some guys would have been pissed, but Poon knew it was all in fun and he took the ribbing in stride. That’s right folks, Soldiers liked Poon. I imagine they still do.

Anyhow, If you ask me,  I’m glad there’s a soon to be Mrs. Poon out there.  Poon deserves to be happy.

Advertisements
Comments
  1. This is great. I love your writing.

    Poon found a woman wearing those BCGs. Maybe they’ll procreate, then there’s gonna be a whole lot more poon in the world.

    “Not that kind of Poon. I need to see Private Poon.”

    Hilarious.

  2. nursemyra says:

    Ha! Birth control glasses…..

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s