WTF! Wednesday- I’ll have mine whipped, beaten and stuffed

Posted: November 10, 2010 in I'm the only person "working" in my building, not the good kind, total mistake, WTF Wednesdays

 I read tons of stupid shit everyday. The three following stories topped my WTF!  list for today. I’m still figuring out the link stuff so just give me a break and bear with me.

1. Woman pistol whipped during IHOP robbery.

OK, so who hasn’t been at an IHOP at 1:30am and it gets robbed.  I think the standard protocol during these things is pretty self-evident. You sit there and STFU and wait for the cashier to hand over the $86 worth of crumpled up bills to the perp and then you go back to shoveling pancakes in your drunk face. Am I right? Yes.

But no, not bitchymissfreakout here.  Apparently she decided that her Rooty Tooty Big and Fruity husband breakfast wasn’t worth the hassle so she bolted for the door. And got pistol whipped in the process. Bitch, please.

Sit the fuck down.

2. Honey, do you hear something??

This one has WTF written all over it.

“About 10 a.m., police officers responded to a report of a disturbance at an apartment in 500 block area of Northwest Tyler Avenue.

They learned that the resident and his girlfriend, who are both in their 20s, noticed that items were out-of-place when they woke up Monday — including an open closet door. When the male went to investigate, he found a naked stranger in the closet, masturbating”

WTF!!! So let me get this straight. After sleeping in, the guy gets up and notices his shit is all over the place and the closet door is open. He looks in and …. Hey there, guy punching the clown in my closet.  What would you even say to that? “Excuse me, do I know you?”  ” Dad, we asked you to call before you dropped by?”  I would pay money to have heard that convo.

“Lt. Cord Wood of the Corvallis Police Department said Buekea was visiting a friend who lived in the same building as the victims and had spent the night in his friend’s basement apartment. Police said that sometime early Monday morning, Buekea left the basement apartment where he was staying, climbed around a locked door to gain access to a staircase and made his way to the to victims’ third-floor apartment.”

I want to know what the ‘friend’ had to say for himself. “I’m sorry Officer, I had him chained in the basement, but he’s a wiggly one, goshdarnit.”

3.  No, I don’t have worms.

Ok, I saved the best for last. This guy takes the cake for all things weird that got reported today. Picture the scene: You open the door and find a naked man writhing around on your doorstep. Hmmmm… what to do?…what to do? Lets call the Police:

“When the deputy tried to make contact with Smith, he slapped the deputy. In return, the deputy deployed his taser, which had no effect on Smith, the report stated.”

Boys, we what we got here is a failure to communicate….

By now the guy has made his way into the house and is just bare assing his way around.. “Honey, don’t let him sit on the couch. I just washed that.”  The cavalry arrives in the nick of time.

“With reinforcements, deputies approached Smith again in the victim’s bedroom. A deputy managed to handcuff Smith before he jumped off the victim’s bed and tried to kick other deputies in the room, the report stated.

Then, according to the report, Smith was pepper sprayed. Undeterred, Smith continued to kick at the officers and otherwise evade capture. He was struck with a police baton several times, and Smith attempted to bite the deputy.”

In Texas, this dude would have never made it past the doorway breathing.  Finally, they throw the dude a little blanket party and ‘persuade’ him to be compliant, and being nice law enforcement officials , they cart his ass to the hospital where  it is revealed:

“During a medical exam at a nearby hospital, medical personnel found a mouse tail hanging from Smith’s rectum. An X-ray revealed a mouse lodged inside Smith.”

A mouse. In. his. Ass.   WTF!   The dude wasn’t high. He was going insane because a mouse was chewing his way home.

Where have I seen that before????  Hmmmmm. 

Enjoy folks.

  1. singlegirlie says:

    I like you, Rod. You make funny.

    And I learned a new word today. A hyphenated one. Thank you!

  2. nursemyra says:

    I am so glad they didn’t bring that mouse-assed guy to my hospital

  3. Wow. I can’t believe that guy had a mouse in his ass and acted like it was a big deal. I mean . . . haven’t we all done a little experimenting with small rodents like that??

    LOVE THE IHOP pistol-whipping. That’s awesome. Everyone knows you never leave your Rudy Toodie Fresh and Fruity. It’s like your wingman.

    Great post.

    • Rod says:

      Agreed. I feel like he wasn’t getting the most out of his experience. What kills me though is wondering what the reaction of the homeowners was while he was in the house? Were they asking him questions? Offering him a snack? Or, were they like standing on the table shrieking because they saw the mouse tail??? Had I been the reporter for this story those are the kind of hard hitting questions I would have asked.

  4. bschooled says:

    I got pregnant from sitting on a couch, once.

    I named him Chaise.

    *awkward silence*

    (Er, sorry. This is what happens when I start drinking at 6 am…)

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